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Depression, Moods

Medications for Moods

Medications for Moods

I think I have been on every single anti-depressant and mood stabilizer that is out there.  I started taking medication when I was 19 years old.  My friend and I drove down to Mexico because we had heard that Prozac helps you to lose weight and so we bought some there.  It changed my life.  That is when I realized I had depression.  My world went from black and white to color.  I am talking vivid color.  I became someone I never knew existed.  I was more outgoing, so much more confident, taking direction for my life, it was a new me.  Unfortunately there is what is called prozac “poop-out” and since that time I have tried all the “meds” known for treating depression: zoloft (worked for a couple years), lexapro, cymbalta, viibryd, parnate, and so many more like the tricyclics.  I also take xanax and sometimes clonazepam when my anxiety gets bad.  I take sleeping pills or else I don’t sleep.  It feels like I am stuck on these medications because when I slowly try to titrate off (with psychiatrist help), I have major withdraw symptoms, mainly severe depression!

My current medication list is as follows:

  • Effexor – 300mg
  • Wellbutrin – 150mg
  • Lamictal – 50mg
  • Abilify – 5mg
  • Dextroamphetamine – 10mg x 3 a day
  • Xanax – 2mg
  • Seroquel – 100mg (sleep)
  • Trazodone – 50mg (sleep)
  • Synthroid – 137mcg (hypothyroid)
  • Cytomel – 25mcg (hypothyroid)

I know, it’s a lot.  And I use caffeine pills to get myself out of bed each day which then cause anxiety.  Phew!  Exhausting cycle I am caught up in.  The sad part is that I am still isolating myself, still feeling depressed a lot of the time and anxious as well.  The medications aren’t working but I am scared to get off them.  They are like my safety blanket.  

With A Course in Miracles, I practice saying “I accept only perfect health” over and over in my mind.  Healing occurs in the mind.  I know that the mind can heal the body and my brain.  Quantum physics proves this.  The placebo effect proves this.  I need to really watch my thoughts and not judge them but become very aware of the ones that tell me I am not worthy, I will never get better, if I can’t do something perfectly than why bother?  One day at a time.  One moment at a time.  I can do this.  It’s a journey that begins with a desire to heal.

Shine, Uncategorized

Who are we not to shine?

Who are we not to shine?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”  – Marianne Williamson

  • One of my most favorite quotes ever on our own innate brilliantly shining light within us all!