Browse Tag by addicted
Obsession, Uncategorized

Obsessing over a First or Second Date

Obsessing is the single most waste of time…

Jan 3, 2017

Wow, I cannot believe how the mind works when it is “attached” to a person.  I have been obsessed about many guys in my lifetime but I really cannot believe how after all this time on the spiritual path and having released all “unavailable” men to the Universe, I was hooked.  I mean we are talking ADDICTED, just like a heroin addict needs a hit, I needed this guy to text me back.  I was drowning in despair and we had only gone on two dates.  Really???  I knew I was knee deep stuck in what seemed to be quicksand as I was quickly traveling further and further into my Ego INSANE mind!  But I didn’t realize this.  I thought I was feeling “abandonment” pain.  Because my dad left me when I was a little girl, I was brilliant, or so I thought, that I put together the pieces that I was feeling the exact same way I did when I was a little girl and was waiting for my dad to call.  He would promise me the world and back and I would get so excited, awaiting his return, awaiting the fulfillment of his promises, that one day I could move in with him, that we would live in an apartment with a pool, yippee!  But that call hardly ever came.  When it did there were no words on the other line, it was the sound of silence.  Such an empty sound that is.  And my heart would drop and I do remember sobbing one Christmas when I thought he was coming over and never did.  Wishes unfulfilled. Oh, there I go, getting caught up in the Ego’s “story” again as I write this!  Wow, it has such a grasp over our consciousness, it is unreal.  But I am back (na na na na – if you know Eminem you will get where I was going with that! lol), and I have to say, the Ego = Insanity (well, I actually read that in A Course In Miracles book today on p. 133, ha ha).  So what I mean is that I got so caught up in the past and the “psychology” of all the books I have read, seminars I have been to, audios I have listened to about hurt, pain, abandonment, loss, etc that I felt I needed to “grieve” this childhood I felt I mustn’t have grieved when I was younger, for why was the pain so intense and so deep and piercing?  Well, in comes my ACIM teacher Sandi to the rescue.  Thank God.  Literally.  I decided to bring up Jon, the guy I had been obsessing about, in class today.  I had debated it for I felt “selfish” to take up class and I was feeling like a chatty Cathy already, interrupting sentences and giving my input on everything that was happening.  However, I am so deeply grateful that I shared my obsession in class.  Here is what I learned.  Jon is a divine assignment in my life; I have a lesson to learn.  I had already “cut the cords” with him mentally and had released him via the Release Prayer over and over again throughout this past month (basically, since I had not heard from him one week after our first date).  So as of today it has been 5 weeks and 3 days since I met him and for 4 weeks and 3 days (I just looked that up, I am not that neurotic to have known that off the top of my head! ha!) I have obsessed about him for the most part.  So Sandi said to just “let it go”, see things differently (release him to God, replace with peace and see things differently), to which I felt I have already done so many times!  She emphasized that when you release there is now space for new opportunities (meeting a new guy) to whom really wants to be with me.  She said everything is happening right place, right time, divinely.  She said the answer to my suffering was to send him love.  For God says to us, love my people and you will be saved.  And instantly that clicked, that resonated with my soul.  AHHhhhhh HAaaaa moment!!!!  Hallelujah, that is just what I was looking for, an answer, a key to the puzzle, a mystery solved.  Yes, I was reminded, all I need to do is love God’s people, my brothers and sisters, and my life will be divinely guided in my highest good.  For God wants what is of my highest good always!!!  “Teach only love for that is what you are” I was reminded of!   I realized I had been caught in full blown EGO mode, over analyzing every single detail about my “relationship” with Jon.   And I even remember for a split second yesterday, before succumbing to the deepest darkest place in my mind that there could be a “spiritual” solution to this problem and I might not need to “grieve” it through and take my sleep medication to get the day over with.  Instead, I succumbed to the pain and laid down and let it overcome me and listened to “The Fatherless Daughter Project” for over an hour, hoping my pain would ease.  When it didn’t, I took more xanax.  With the pain still there, I took my sleeping pills and finally, was out of pain.  So what appears to be a “problem” (i.e. “he is just not into me!”) is actually a healing path for me by divinely loving him.  Wow, what a major reversal of what my Ego mind had festered into my brain.  My Ego was telling me “this is what I want”, if I hear from Jon my pain will go away so that is what needs to happen.  But the Universe, God, have wisdom and know better, so I just need to TRUST!   In spirit we are not looking for answers. We automatically trust the outcome of all my needs are met, the Universe has my back, God wants what is best for me!  I must trust that there is a lesson to learn here.  There was chemistry between me and Jon for a specific reason, our meeting was not a coincidence, it was a divine assignment from God, I have a lesson to learn!  Love, love and love some more!!!  And also, look what is transpiring, this is my first “writing” for my website or book!!!   I told Sandi that Jon told me I was “beautiful, amazing and sexy” when I saw him but then disappeared off the face of the earth afterwards.  Sandi told me to say “thank you” and to let it be, TRUST that the guy I end up with will also say those things!  Sandi also told me “don’t get him signed up”, it’s an inner adventure.  Have no attachment to the outcome of what will happen. God’s will is the outcome!!!  Anything that happens now is perfect.  Everything is a divine assignment.  I am benefiting myself so much more now by loving more (the more love I give the more I get back!).  I am stopping right now to send him love. So now, when I think of Jon I no longer feel pain or rejection, I am projecting love!  Now the Angels are aware of this freedom!  This is all an inner adventure in my life.  Sandi said to be without an attachment to an outcome.  (I need to do that with everything in my life, btw!).  When we release, she said, you have no idea if that person will come back to you.  And so in class I released him again and I sent him love.  Trust that God has my highest interest in mind Sandi emphasized.  She also brought up the Law of Allowance.  Allow him to be as he is.  She stated to me that I am cutting the cords with this Navy Seals guy (yep, I mentioned that in class, thank you EGO!) not to call me.  So I need to practice this.  Practice allowing a guy not to want me in his life, or as she rephrased “Allow Jon to be as he is”, the same with my ex-boyfriend, Eric, who does not choose to be friends with me.  Allow Eric to be as he is.  And then I need to start being who I truly am!  I am love and I need to love and be the person I would want someone else to want!  To be the person I can be with 24/7 and still have fun and love and be happy with!  To create my life so full of all of God’s will that I am bursting from my core with light, love and beauty!!!  And so love these men . . . remember God’s only request is to “love my people”!!!  So just let it go, Sandi said repeatedly.  No need to blame my dad as when I am in the light, living God’s will, the light automatically undoes the thought processes of the Ego and there is natural forgiveness for now I look upon as there was nothing to forgive, we are all whole, complete and perfect!  God created us this way and so it is!  “The Ego’s whole thought system blocks extension, and thus blocks your only function.” -ACIM p. 132  In my own words, “the Ego keeps you in Hell on earth”.  So don’t analyze!  Don’t analyze!  Don’t obsess!  Oh my goodness, if it is meant to be it will work out!  (lightbulb going off in my brain again!).  We keep love by giving it away!  A quantum shift occurs when we accept that we are whole, complete, love, expressions of God.  Our emotions become transformed.  We are no longer bothered by the things that used to bother us (i.e. my dad not being there when I was growing up).  Do not condemn the present because of the past, be born again, let the past go!  And the ACIM card Wendy read to me went “You cannot be totally committed sometimes”.  Wow, was not every word in class today a divine reception of the Universe!!!  OMG, I am just blown away.  My heart is so full of love, joy and happiness right now!!  I feel like the light of the world!!!