Browse Tag by anti-depressants
Depression, Moods

Medications for Moods

Medications for Moods

I think I have been on every single anti-depressant and mood stabilizer that is out there.  I started taking medication when I was 19 years old.  My friend and I drove down to Mexico because we had heard that Prozac helps you to lose weight and so we bought some there.  It changed my life.  That is when I realized I had depression.  My world went from black and white to color.  I am talking vivid color.  I became someone I never knew existed.  I was more outgoing, so much more confident, taking direction for my life, it was a new me.  Unfortunately there is what is called prozac “poop-out” and since that time I have tried all the “meds” known for treating depression: zoloft (worked for a couple years), lexapro, cymbalta, viibryd, parnate, and so many more like the tricyclics.  I also take xanax and sometimes clonazepam when my anxiety gets bad.  I take sleeping pills or else I don’t sleep.  It feels like I am stuck on these medications because when I slowly try to titrate off (with psychiatrist help), I have major withdraw symptoms, mainly severe depression!

My current medication list is as follows:

  • Effexor – 300mg
  • Wellbutrin – 150mg
  • Lamictal – 50mg
  • Abilify – 5mg
  • Dextroamphetamine – 10mg x 3 a day
  • Xanax – 2mg
  • Seroquel – 100mg (sleep)
  • Trazodone – 50mg (sleep)
  • Synthroid – 137mcg (hypothyroid)
  • Cytomel – 25mcg (hypothyroid)

I know, it’s a lot.  And I use caffeine pills to get myself out of bed each day which then cause anxiety.  Phew!  Exhausting cycle I am caught up in.  The sad part is that I am still isolating myself, still feeling depressed a lot of the time and anxious as well.  The medications aren’t working but I am scared to get off them.  They are like my safety blanket.  

With A Course in Miracles, I practice saying “I accept only perfect health” over and over in my mind.  Healing occurs in the mind.  I know that the mind can heal the body and my brain.  Quantum physics proves this.  The placebo effect proves this.  I need to really watch my thoughts and not judge them but become very aware of the ones that tell me I am not worthy, I will never get better, if I can’t do something perfectly than why bother?  One day at a time.  One moment at a time.  I can do this.  It’s a journey that begins with a desire to heal.